so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
