just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
