she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
