4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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