I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just invented taco cereal.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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