even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
