"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
