anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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