Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
