ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
