I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
