At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
