Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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