I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
