after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
