Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
