She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
