is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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