My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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