If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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