she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
