you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
