What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
