Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize