grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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