Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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