Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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