So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
