Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
