I wish i was in the wii world.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to calm my uterus...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
