my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
