this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
