u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
