Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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