hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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