It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
