Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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