I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
