I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
