i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
