but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
