no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
