i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
