Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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