I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
