You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
