so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
