I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
