And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
