did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
