Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
