you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
