I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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