totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
