When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
