When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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