i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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