I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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